I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
