she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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