is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize