I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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