apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
