just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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