I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
did i walk over a car last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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