After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
