Someone shit on the floor
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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