i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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