I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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