I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
