nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
