im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
