She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
