She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
