My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize