the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
