fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
