just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
