This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
