how hairy? two words: wookie tits
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize