she was so not down for the gang bang
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
