I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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