just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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