i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
