No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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