her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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