We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
