If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Barsexuality is the new black.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Randomize
