do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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