I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
