guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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