I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
