Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
