How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
