oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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