Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
