these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just puked most of my soul out..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
