Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
