You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
