Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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