You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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