Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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