Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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