I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
