i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
