I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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