Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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