The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
