you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize