How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
