when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
3pm strippers are depressing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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