If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize