Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
