So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
