If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
