I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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