That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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