you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
