Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There's even glitter on my cock...
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