And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
