I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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