there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
