u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All the doctor said was why
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
