I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize