I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
