If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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