I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize