Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
