bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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