Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
