you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
