That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
