please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
