I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
