Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize