Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
