there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
