did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
