So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
