How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
