So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
