My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
two words...techno handjob
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
