I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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