I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
